Cotham Park RFC The closest Rugby club to Clifton in Bristol

I awoke with smile on Saturday, the sun was shinning, Rosie wasn’t awake yet so the moaning hadn’t commenced, the faint sounds of bird song were drifting through the window; but then it struck me, ‘oh bugger it’s bloody Tredworth today!’ The day we all look forward to in the rugby calendar, the away day to the posh end of Gloucester that is Tredworth RFC. Annoyingly we were supposed to have dodged this gleeful fixture, but in the RFUs wisdom they decided not to relegate our foes last season so they remained in Gloucester 2 much to our delight. Having fallen victim to their tricks in previous seasons we were wise to some of their idiosyncrasies, so we arranged to arrive changed into our kit and ready to play, just in case they ‘forgot’ to open the public toilet/changing rooms again. As it happens, they did, so we all arrived desperate for a piss and had we had to wait any longer we were beginning to eye up which house looked most presentable to utilise their facilities. Anyway to the game.

The weather was glorious and the usually inhospitable arena seemed mildly appealing on this occasion, we had a strong team and spirits were high. The pitch had all the spring and bounce of a NCP car park so in a mist of pre-match sweat and Vaseline we began with trepidation. An awe inspiring kick off from Stuart saw the ball trickle towards the 10m line, with about 6m to go before the kick would have become legal it was snappled up by their aptly named behemoth ‘Big Paul’. He started one of his trademark trundles and I feared instantly we would be facing another afternoon of energy sapping ruck and maul rugby. They pressurised us from the off and quickly pushed us back to our 22, where a spectacular passage of play ended with my clearance kick being charged down and they ran the ball into the corner for the opening score. Not the start we had hoped for! After the slow start we gradually came back into the game and following a precise chip from Stuart we were in reach of their line. Some sharp hands from the forwards tied in their defence and a great short pass from Luke put Stuart through the gap to score under the posts. Nick ‘Mahogany Sideboard’ Comer slotted the conversion and we were ahead. The ease at which we had carved through spurred us on and in within minutes we were making breaks from everywhere. Dom picked up a lose ball and surged for the line, we all thought he had crossed but I think his nose had blocked the ref’s view and it could not be awarded. We got over this quickly and some fast ball came out again and Comer sharked through to score in the corner. The kick fell short, but the momentum was now with us.

Sadly, the same passage of play that had boosted our confidence bought out the Tredworth side that we had expected to face the whole game. Suddenly there was no ball; the match just became a series of mauls, followed by rucks, followed by mauls, followed by a punch or 8, followed by penalties. They tied us up and the game became a farce. By trouncing the offside line they nullified our flowing rugby and by killing the ball at every opportunity the fast flowing rugby we had wanted to display disappeared. The shit-storm that the game had become was highlighted when Jack Butler was fore-armed off the ball and knocked out cold. The ref could do nothing as he was unsighted but the damage was done, once he had awoken from his enforced slumber he was carried off and replaced by Pete. Half time arrived following a penalty from Nick and we went into the break 15-5 up.

I could waste time talking about the 2nd half but it was too depressing. Our dominant scrum finally broke the Tredworth boys into bits and we had to go uncontested, which only served to kill off one of our major attacking strengths. This enabled Tredworth to tie together large passages of time where they dominated possession and with Shamu tucking the ball under his gut we had nothing to do but tackle, tackle and tackle some more. Eventually our fitness told and when the Ref realised they had to substitute a player due to going uncontested, we managed to get back on top. Some quick play pushed us down into their 22 and the same move that had seen Nick cross the line in the 1st half again paid dividends. He caught the ball from a pop pass from Stuart and despite running straight at their two largest players they quite helpfully parted like a whore’s legs and he strolled through. The final 10 minutes descended into a brawl, with Marcus assuming his standard position of punchbag/doormat and Will making friends as usual. The game ended with the Ref awarding us a penalty deep in our own 22, much to the disgust of the Tredworth team. The ensuing events need not be repeated but needless to say the attitude of some of the opposition was disgusting and the way they berated the referee was appalling.

On the plus side, the post match meal of bread and cheese has been replaced by Stew!

I leave this report with a note that we received from the Referee in an email this week, made me feel very proud.

“As your referee for the above game I would like to thank your team for the outstanding discipline shown and wish you every success this season.”

John Watkins

Well done boys. A hard fought 22-5 victory!

Stringer

Result: 5 – 22 Win

Tries: Stuart Hoare

Nick Comer 2

Conv: Nick Comer 2

Pen: Nick Comer